“Hi, I’m Eddie and I’m… approaching middle age.”
(Group) “Hi, Eddie.”
In order for me to pick up where I left off a couple of years ago in my last blog (which I’ve removed from the viewing public, but which a few of you may recall) I have to stop pretending I’m still living the life I had in New York: nice house, friends I’d had for years to hang with, no children, a fairly large expendable income.
At one time I was a rather prolific blogger, writing long pieces nearly every day, on nearly every topic. As the blogging platform grew into a medium to reckon with (mostly, in the time I’ve been here) I tried to channel my interest in writing and ride the wave of “topical” blogs by starting a few I’d hoped that I could make some money while I desperately looked for work — while adjusting to the fact that, fuck, I was a long way from home!
That little experiment didn’t work, but I did learn more about writing in general, and managed to supplement freelancing as a designer with small writing gigs.
Blogs today blur the lines between news, gossip and speculation — which, I suppose, is what they’re supposed to do: Empower the everyman with a platform for a unique voice.
But after a while I started to lose my voice, as a blogger, at least. I mean, I can only read so many top-ten lists, or endlessly regurgitated stories about some celebrity’s distorted sense of entitlement, or what feels like news about Oceania, Eastasia and Eurasia not being able to get their collective shit together.
So, in the spirit of sotto voce in the blogosphere, I turn your attention to the story — my story — of just some guy who moved 10,000 miles from home and is, in essence, making all this up as he goes.
It’s taken about four years but it’s starting to sink in: I’m 43, I’ve been married for nearly ten years, I’ve lost a lot of people I cared for, I’ve made money and lost money, I’m not anywhere near Kansas anymore, I have two children who rely on me to be Dad and I am hanging onto a job I don’t find fulfilling, but which pays bills during a fucked-up recession while I figure out what, exactly, I think I’m doing here.