The reason I’ve been unable to contribute what I consider anything of substance to any one of the myriad of online soapboxes is because I didn’t feel like an expert in anything. I had no top ten lists, no gadget reviews, no pitches on how to make money in just four hours a week; all I have are my ideas, perceptions and insights — and even those I keep to myself for the most part.
Sure, I am — or was — good at being a designer and, maybe, a writer. But this, the third extended period of unemployment peppered with the relentless rejection from potential employers has left me doubting myself: I don’t know what I can do, really, having been told over and over for years how I wasn’t successful.
And that’s the key phrase, the one that cuts to the bone now. I thought I had a pretty thick skin (it’s a prerequisite for being in a creative field) but for the better part of the past seven years it’s the only phrase I’ve heard more than any other.
For anyone who’s interested I’ve updated my “About” page with a *gasp* picture of me.
This is a pretty big thing for me, as there are not many pictures of me past the age of 25 in existence. For some reason, the older I got the more camera-shy I became. It’s not a vanity thing; I just don’t like looking at pictures of myself almost as much as I don’t like hearing a recording of my voice.
Like so many things, I guess these quirks are incomprehensible to some but will surely get a few heads nodding in agreement.