The reason I’ve been unable to contribute what I consider anything of substance to any one of the myriad of online soapboxes is because I didn’t feel like an expert in anything. I had no top ten lists, no gadget reviews, no pitches on how to make money in just four hours a week; all I have are my ideas, perceptions and insights — and even those I keep to myself for the most part.

Sure, I am — or was — good at being a designer and, maybe, a writer. But this, the third extended period of unemployment peppered with the relentless rejection from potential employers has left me doubting myself: I don’t know what I can do, really, having been told over and over for years how I wasn’t successful.

And that’s the key phrase, the one that cuts to the bone now. I thought I had a pretty thick skin (it’s a prerequisite for being in a creative field) but for the better part of the past seven years it’s the only phrase I’ve heard more than any other.

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Free of the game of attraction, people grew into themselves. We were less prone to looking at each other through fantasy, or to interact with an agenda in mind. People revealed both “masculine” and “feminine” traits regardless of gender. Men were not either “strong” or “weak”, or women “nurturing” and “sexy”; we were all a mix of everything, and were the richer for it.

It is typical in human lives to feel like something huge is missing or unsettled.

It is typical for the major aspects of a human life (career, friends, habits and home) to be decided by happenstance, and not consciously.

The feeling of something huge being missing is probably often due to a serious mismatch between what you currently have in one of those aspects, and what is best for you in one of those aspects.

Making conscious changes to the aspects of life you???ve accepted by default can result in dramatic and immediate changes to quality of life.

Few people do this. Few people make a deliberate quest out of finding their perfect city or neighborhood, of seeking out their truly like-minded. Most of us live seventy or eighty years defending what we???ve been given, because we think it???s who we are.

At any given time, the prospect of a major change will tend to seem out of the question. This is because you believe you are what you???ve been doing this whole time. From the other side of a major change, the thought of continuing the with way things were will seem absurd.

So it’s not just me!


People “look at a child in need, in poverty or failing in school, and ask, ‘What can we do to help?’ But what we do is ask, ‘Why does that child need help in the first place?’ And the answer is often it’s because [the child lacks] a responsible and involved father,” he said.


Not much I can add, other than she’s vocalized much of what I’ve felt for nearly 30 years. When I was a kid, though, it wasn’t en vogue to talk about anxiety — or Aspergers, which was an unknown and undiagnosed syndrome. But now it seems like there’s a sort of “coming out” by sufferers who are finally being acknowledged (or at least recognized) for having a real cognitive disability that makes the day-to-day just a little harder than it is for most other people.

Frankly, I’m fairly certain that the anxiety (and subsequent depression) I’ve lived with all my life are byproducts of anticipating the awkwardness and confusion of mingling with other people. It’s exhausting to try and be social because it always feels like I don’t know how to have a simple conversation: it’s hard to know when to talk and when to listen, and it’s equally difficult to know if what I’m saying is being taken the wrong way.


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